I saw Curtis Blow on the bus!

Yeah so what I ride the bus, doesn't mean I don't have a car. I just hate driving. Most of the people on the bus have cars, they just hate driving. We would rather have someone else do it for us. The bus is the perfect picture of America, why do it when someone else will do it for you.

I get on the bus today and make my way to the verrryyy back and sit in one of the seats next to one of the windows. I am very careful to leave 3 seats between me and the man who is mumbling along to an old Curtis Blow Sprite commercial. Just in case you don't remember the one...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q18TEfOsosg&feature=PlayList&p=3E4911D84D170738&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=11

I am a veteran, I have taken the red line bus for three years and have learned the unspoken rules of ridership. The rules are simple, do not engage and create as much space as possible between you and another rider. I have seen so many people break the rules only to create a painful commute for themselves and every other rider.

A virgin bus rider does not yet know the rider ratio. The ratio goes as follows: for every 10 normal people on the bus you will have 1 guy who thinks he is Jesus or a time traveler. Your chances are good on a bus with a hundred seats when almost all seats are filled. You can simply glance at the crowded bus and know that the guy opposite the only open seat is full of crazy. When the bus is less full, people will take the open rows and leave a seat next to them. This is Russian roulette because you have a one in ten chance of picking the seat next to Mr. Voices in My Head.

This morning was Russian roulette, the ratio was ignored. A business man enters the bus, I can tell he has never ridden before, he tries to pay with a debit card. I peg this guy a fella who had a lot of lended money, just a month ago he had a Denali and now has a day pass. The guy finally locates his silver money, purchases his day pass, and enters the bus. As he enters I see him attempt to say hi to the twelve or so riders. The passengers simply avoid him or curse at him in Spanish. I really can't tell.

A person obedient to the ratio would have just taken the first row with two empty seats. Instead this amateur makes his way all the way to the back and sits one seat away from the Curtis Blow impostor. We ride for about five minutes not speaking, this is for the best. At this point I keep noticing the business man trying to talk to me. I pretend I am asleep. I think to myself, "I hope he doesn't try to talk to that 1980's beat boxer just one seat over." Just as I am thinking this, rule one is broken, he engages him. I shut my eyes tighter, I know there is no saving him now.

At this point, seeing that he has an audience, Curtis Blow rises from his seat. He stands motionless for 5 minutes waiting for his tape deck to rewind. His head is down and he is preparing for God knows what. I can feel everyone in the front of the bus staring towards the back. The business man pulls his brief case close to his chest, I think to protect himself. The bus driver keeps glancing in the rear view mirror and yells "Sit down." Just as she finishes yelling the tape stops and the 1980's Curtis Blow classic "Basketball" begins to play. In case you don't remember it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0yoPVAOJTk

The impostor begins to reenact the dance from the music video flawlessly, and not dropping one lyric. His only failing, at 275 pounds, was that he was easily winded and horribly off key. The business man grabs my left arm and tries to wake me for help. It is no use... I am dead. I let my tongue fall from my mouth, while slightly peeking with my right eye. Terrified, the business man pulls the chain and darts out of the bus at the very next stop. He is likely miles from his intended stop. The tape finishes. Curtis stares for a minute at the empty seat. He curses at the business man who, by now, is long gone. He sits back down and puts back on the Sprite ad. I really wish I had a car.