The secret danger of Swine Flu

Their was a time when it was all mere entertainment. Families popped horror flicks in their DVD players and sat in safe suspense over a bag of buttery corn. The diseased monsters in the movies seemed so far away from reality, but the truth is they are among the living.

This "swine flu" is the end of the world as you and I know it. The situation is far worse than the conservatively liberal media would have you believe. Sure from the corner of every office building you are hearing pandemic this and pandemic that, but what about flesh eating corpses. Yes that is right, I am talking about zombies.

It is a shame no one is taking the time to educate people about the oncoming betrayal. The betrayal of friends and family as a result of the zombie infection known as "swine flu." I bet that as you are reading this sweet old granny is preparing to spring from her hover round to take a bite out of your delicious skull. The pig germ has clouded her judgment and all she can think is "yum brain." She now looks on you as nothing more than a brain meal. It is time to take action and grow a backbone. You will do things you never have done to survive this apocalypse.

This zombie invasion will not be for the weak of heart. Learn to remember your loved ones in happier times, in the pictures of old. Remember the smile of satisfaction on grannies face as she removed warm cookies from the oven, then let this memory pass quickly. Johnny get your gun and put the rabid sack of liver spots down. It was you or her, she has lived a long and prosperous life, you made the right choice.

As I write this I am hiding under my futon bed, I wear a mask and have stocked my 10' by 10' bachelor apartment with ready to eat meals. If you are a woman and reading this your time is short, please comment back. PLEASE NOTE: If you are a woman I will reply back and we can find a way to meet up. Stay away from the metro lines and main through streets, this is where the infected are most likely to gather. Also, most of all zombies are male and can appear completely normal and sometimes speak perfectly good English.

Remember, the soft will perish in zombie hell. It is the strong who will live to fight the walking swine corpses another day. I am in hiding and I await your response.